Some thoughts about my second ruined orgasm...
Some thoughts about my second ruined orgasm...
It's kind of confusing, to want your Mistress to ruin your orgasm... I think the best way I can explain it is that it's a bit like being whipped or paddled, because in some ways it's not that I particularly enjoy it of itself, it's that I enjoy the fact that it is Mistress's choice for it to happen. I guess it's an extension of the chastity thing in that just as most men would never surrender their freedom to orgasm to their partner, even fewer men would willingly push themselves to the brink of orgasm (and just beyond) and then take their hand away...
Knowing that Mistress was intending to ruin my orgasm set up a real conflict in my head, even as I was willing myself to the edge I found myself also seemingly resisting, leaving my cock incredibly hard and throbbing with frustration. It was as intense as it was ultimately unsatisfying, and as I said yesterday I loved that Mistress did it again with no prompting from me, and judging from her comments afterwards she intends to keep trying until she really nails it!
:) :) :) :) :)
I said I wanted her to keep growing into her role and becoming meaner and this is exactly the kind of thing which allows her to display her growing control over me and I just love it. I might not have loved it at the precise second it happened, just as I wouldn't say I love it at the precise moment my arse is being paddled, but it's all part of the bigger picture and I love that Mistress is slowly embracing and (I hope) enjoying this lifestyle, even if sometimes it does seem a little bit strange.
Knowing that Mistress was intending to ruin my orgasm set up a real conflict in my head, even as I was willing myself to the edge I found myself also seemingly resisting, leaving my cock incredibly hard and throbbing with frustration. It was as intense as it was ultimately unsatisfying, and as I said yesterday I loved that Mistress did it again with no prompting from me, and judging from her comments afterwards she intends to keep trying until she really nails it!
:) :) :) :) :)
I said I wanted her to keep growing into her role and becoming meaner and this is exactly the kind of thing which allows her to display her growing control over me and I just love it. I might not have loved it at the precise second it happened, just as I wouldn't say I love it at the precise moment my arse is being paddled, but it's all part of the bigger picture and I love that Mistress is slowly embracing and (I hope) enjoying this lifestyle, even if sometimes it does seem a little bit strange.
A response to Tim's comment...
Tim said:
That "conflict" has been one of the hardest things for me to explain to my wife as we get kinkier and kinkier. Not enjoying an act (ruined orgasm, spanking, etc) during the moment, but looking back and remembering it as very erotic as well as looking forward to the next act as erotic. It is that pain/frustration as enjoyable/not enjoyable that is amazing to me as a submissive.
Firstly Tim, thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, all of us bloggers really appreciate when we get feedback like this, it stops us feeling like we are talking to the walls... especially when the comment is insightful and reinforces my own experiences...
Right now I don't think Mistress R quite 'gets' it as far as ruined orgasms go, but then there was probably a time she didn't understand why I would willingly submit to having clothes pegs on my nipples and you should see the glint in her eye now when she pulls them off and makes me flinch... she certainly didn't 'get' chastity when I first tried to introduce it, and every now and then I do ask her if she is still okay with living this way and she's quite convincing when she says she can't see any reason why she would ever want to go back to how it used to be.
So with that in mind I have every reason to think that given time, practice and familiarity Mistress will eventually come to really enjoy watching me suffer in this particular way for her, just as I can tell her attitude to paddling my ass has changed... when we bought the paddle I remember her saying to me "Are you sure you want that, I think it's going to hurt!", but now there's no disguising the effect using it on me has on her pussy.
Slapping my cock and balls was another thing that she used to be reluctant to do, but now it's a very regular and very enjoyable part of our sex life, she's still a little hesitant about slapping my balls, but that's probably not a bad thing.
I'm sure one day in the not too distant future Mistress will lull me into thinking that I'm going to be allowed to cum properly and then right at the last second she will snatch it away from me, maybe she'll simply let go of my cock at the last second or maybe if she's riding my cock she'll just lift herself off me at the crucial moment and let my poor cock pulse my cum onto my stomach...
I'm sure in that moment the frustration will be enormous and I'll probably question my own sanity, but at the end of the day, the thought of Mistress controlling every last orgasm I'll ever have and having her be the one to decide 'ruined' or 'pleasurable' every single time is just so overwhelmingly hot... well, it makes every frustrating pulse worth it.
